JUST LIKE AN ERROR CODE

Many people pretend to be the king of the world or a giant among minute creatures. They used to be the superior of all others. They love to laugh against others stupidity, well in fact they're the real stupid. They tend to get angry and shout just to make sure they're the highest. They're thinking that they have the only one who have mind that it is well designed to think. They never consider others who can create ideas better than they can. Power is just because of the so called "on the position" but should never to put itself off of the ground. They're might too comfortable on their doings but they make themselves handicapped. Blind not to see the reality among its surroundings. Deaf that doesn't even learn how to listen. Mute that always pretend to be quite when they want to neglect issues. Nothing is right upon them, no links to make you on the right site-and that is...

just like an error code.

PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Pain, diminishes happiness. Being in pain, you forgot to be happy. Bearing different masks just to compensate with the surroundings, you can almost forget who the real person, within you is. When you are in deep pain, you lose gradually your chosen directions until you have nowhere to find one, but to focus on the pain that you felt inside. It burns gradually your system of being happy until you have nothing but the feeling of being hurt. Your worlds that are once full of hopes are then narrowed down. How well you’ve been from the past, became unintentionally unremembered. Your thoughts of hopes and happiness loose somewhere out there. How you strive to fight for your weaknesses throughout your life became meaningless and all strengths are all fallen to the ground. As gravity of pain gets stronger, the stronger it will pull you down and the harder you will push through to pull yourself up. 

The way we perceive pain is totally different from anyone else, for pain is a subjective matter. With the same issue, for some, it is just quiet and easy to cope. For others, even how difficult it is, still, they choose to face it and break the pain from within. But for some, rather to face it with a lot of grief, they choose to kneel down and ask for death to escape. And, for some, they choose or unintentionally forgot that somebody is up high and choose to command the time of their death. 
We can never tell, how an individual go through with their pain, or how does it really hurt them. Even we’ve been with the same condition, yet, we can’t deny the fact that human as we are, are totally different. We have different strengths, weaknesses, perceptions, thoughts, hopes, happiness, approaches, etc. Some says that, pain is something that is unintentionally unshared. Even how many times you shared it along to those closest to your heart, still pain is present. The deeper the pain is, the more it is difficult to speak out, how does it really hurts. 

           For many people who go through pain, even they have no more directions to choose where and how to go through, still they hold on. With thy little strength and grains of faith, believing they can’t although they want the world to halt they go through with their life. Though too dark their path is, still they wish to see the light. With countless stumble and fall episodes, they still choose to creep just to stand up. They still believe that someday, they will go to find a journey of happiness. Even, how deep the pain strike through their vein, still they live to PURSUIT HAPPINESS. 

FAR-OFF !!! (LOVING THE DISTANCE)

I was on the rooftop I looked above the sky; it looks different as it was. I sniff the air, the smells kinda different too. Then, I heard a car crashing on the road, it was then, I realized saudian drivers only usually do their cars sounds like that, I sighed and said, "I'm in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia"

It's been 8 months; I'm living my life totally different from what it was then. I look above, and wonder what if, I never been to where I'm standing right now? What if, I never faced those battles behind me? Maybe, like a pond, I was been stagnant and like a river, I never learned to stand.

Being alone, where you were used to be with your love ones is very difficult. Growing, without someone who used to tell you, you must do this, do that makes me always wanting to hear a whisper behind my ear if I am not sure of what I ought to do and decide. I want the spank of my sister on my forehead. I want the words of advice of my mother; I want the hugs and sniff on my cheeks and ear of my aunt and uncles, I want the encouragement of my cousins, I want the laughter and tap of my friends. But those things were all have been vanished by distance. Their memories are all just I can have unto this moment of being far from them.

I hate living distant from my love ones, but I have to. I need to learn, I need to grow, and I need change. Being the youngest in our family, made me grew dependently for so many things.  Learning to become independent is not an easy task, but, I learned to enjoy it in every single day of my life being away from them. I never knew I will easily learn to make my own food, and enjoy it. I never imagined that in the whole two years of my stay here, I’ll be the one to wash my own clothes (thanks for joy2x for helping me ;-). I am also in a quick stand to put all my needs in a budget. It’s not only being responsible of my own self that I have learned. I have learned also how to deal with my emotions. After, almost befall into craziness, I’ve learned that one way to be always good and fine, is to ignore the feelings of sadness and boredom. Do not learn to embrace it and never learn to know how to dwell on it. I had so many battles also, fought against my weaknesses. I thank the greatest man above for making me a murderer, murderer of my own weaknesses. He made me the greatest survivor of my own war. Now, I’m learning to be aware more of my aptitude. I am learning to stand for it, be happy I have it and make use of it. I also, thank god for letting me know more that I have my brain that is well-designed and serviceable (am I sure about this? LOL!).

My old self darkness is almost shaded by the color of my new self. Changes are all in front of me, and I love walking unto its journey. It’s like I’m jumping in a clean, grass of hope and courage with laughter that strikes through my veins. Thrilled by the endeavors of tomorrow, my arms are all ready to embrace it all.

 In all honesty, I feel great, that once I exist is this place. Among my friends not-to-be-forgotten that I’d just met here, my genuine gratitude to all of you (you know who you are). Thanks for continue sharing your life in me, thanks for the antidote moments against sadness we always share. I will never come to love the distance if not by I’m here with you.

Far-off- --an experience I never imagined to love ;-)

INVISIBLE BOAT

       For so many times I wonder why a lot of residents of this big ball earth always want to live. 


        It was 9 pm, I was standing at the corner of the street waiting for a bus going home, when I noticed a man, holding a long stick while walking. He stood right after me. I noticed that he was not being bothered on my stares at him. When I glance on his face at his right side, I noticed that he’s not wearing sunglasses. So, I started talking to myself, why he’s not wearing sunglasses and why he has he this stick? So, to break my oddity, I took a few steps to be closer to him. And then , I ask him..”kuya, magtatanong lang po, sa ganitong oras po ba may dumaraan pang jeep na may karatulang pa South Mall?” then I heard a voice, “Pasensiya na iha, hindi ako nakakita”. Being surprise from what I heard, as if I did not think about it, I replied,”Po?eh, ba’t wla po kayong sunglass?”. I saw the man, slightly grinned on my reactions. And then, he replied, “hindi ako nagsusuot ng sunglass dahil hindi naman talaga ako totally bulag, nakaka aninag ako ng liwanag kahit papaano”. In few seconds I lost words to respond. I look around, I saw how the place was so dangerous and then I look back at the man I was talking and stared on him. I ask him, “kuya, gabi na po..umuulan pa, hindi po ba kayo natatakot sa daan?” the man replied on me.”hindi na, nakasanayan na eh” ,then, I asked, "ba’t niyo pong nagagawang gumala sa daan eh, hindi naman po kayo nakakita? He replied, ”kailangan anak, may pamilya akong binubuhay”, and I said, ”po? may naghahanapbuhay po kayo para sa pamilya niyo po?”.The man answered, "Oo, nagamamasahe ako jan sa may Cubao". Because I’ve known nothing about Cubao, i tried to ask how he get to his home. He replied, "sumasakay ako ng pa DASMARINIAS".And suddenly, I heard a voice shouting, ”oh..dasma..dasma..” I noticed the man I was talking to, that he slightly raised his stick and slightly forwarded his right foot. And then I shout, “mama, pa dasma po itong si kuya..pasakay niyo naman po”Tthen, the man took his steps away, and I heard his last voice telling, “cge iha, mauna na ako saiyo, ingat".


       The conversation only took less than a minute. But, it was an unforgettable one. For so many times, I saw blind people walking on the street, and I never failed to stare or took a glance at them, why?, hoping for a stare or glance at them, I could see it’s invisible boat. I wonder, what kind of faith, hope and courage they have that they endure to take steps a way from their home or I may say, continue to go through without seeing nothing.

       I may not have their answers. But, there is a thought that came to me at the moment of remembering the blind man. That faith, courage and hope is not just beyond at eyes at all. It’s not the sense of sight that is always the witness of those. Beauty and strength of life is totally coming from deep within.